Please Stop comparing yourself to a parent that does it Solo.
I read a post, by a blogger I follow and yet for some reason this time it got me upset and very annoyed.
She is a lovely lady and mother, a really caring thoughtful woman who I will continue to follow.
She is not the first either to post about the subject, so this is in no way aimed at her, just at the subject.
You have no way of knowing what a lone parent feels!
Seriously I am not heartless, but you need to understand how you comparing yourself to me or any other lone parents, makes them feel.
You are having to manage your children for what 5 days, a week or two, some even manage to have partners away a lot more, but they still are not solo parenting.
Some people have partners in the forces, or who work abroad for long spells, again they are not lone parenting or totally solo.
To me you are having to juggle and manage to parent your children, yes sometimes for spells of doing it on your own, but it is not the same a parent who has to do it 100% of the time.
I genuinely feel for those that have partners who work odd hours or different shifts, or travel away, who then have to juggle the family on their own.
It still is not doing it all solo though is it?
I feel for you with the battle of organising your mornings, the school run, but I along with most parents, single or in couples face the same battle of a morning.
Depression, anxiety, stress, they all can have a negative impact, I suffer too.
To set the record straight
As a lone parent, I thought I would explain how it really truly is for me, and others though not every solo parent.
As some solo parents have their shit together, they are my heroes.
Life is a roller coaster, I often say, but what I have never really explained is it is a constant uphill battle.
Battle not struggle, because sometimes I feel totally beat up by it all.
Being responsible for their safety, their well being, their everything.
Financially having to balance little money, always worrying about when I can pay off debts and purchase new items needed by the children.
Working out, I can not afford a haircut, so cut it myself I even cut my daughter’s hair to save money we do not have.
Putting the children always first, never really getting a break.
That is one of the hardest parts for me, the break to be myself, not just Mum.
Feeling exhausted all the time, stressed with so many problems, constantly worried about my failure to parent solo, but having no choice.
I am responsible for all of EVERYTHING.
It is so stressful sometimes, wondering if I have made the wrong choice over simple to huge decisions.
Being the sole provider for them. (If he ever reads this, he did contribute £100 in 2 yrs)
School shoes alone were £125, so £100 did not go far alas.
Having to sort shopping for food, then putting it all away, then organising and cooking or at least preparing every single meal, every packed lunch, it is monotonous, it is constant.
You know I envy others with partners, if you cook and they eat, how wonderful it must be to sit with another adult, having someone appreciate your cooking efforts and sometimes skill, sadly my children are fussy and not afraid to let me know when they do not like something.
Doing the laundry, housework, going to work, being the only one who is there for my children when they are sick, so having to juggle work.
Doing the bedtime battle, doing the school morning battle.
Running on empty, balancing books, driving a car with no fuel in, wishing for it to get us home before getting paid the following day.
Paying all the utility bills, from gas, electric, telephone, TV license, internet connection, car tax, insurance it is all my responsibility.
Do not compare
Please do not compare you managing for a brief amount of time, to a parent who is doing it all solo.
I would never recommend anyone to be a lone parent, if you have a choice.
I laugh when the media make out young girls choose to be single parents, I laugh at the idea anyone would think it an easy life.
Seriously, you want to know something. Lone parents, those that do it solo are bloody amazing.
We do not have a choice, we would never recommend this.
My heart goes out to parents who are bereaved with the loss of a loving partner, they are amazing, as are thrown into the world of solo parenting.
It is constant, it is all encompassing, it is so very lonely and it is just hard work, it feels totally daunting at times, specially if you then add on top of anxiety, depression, any numerous ailments.
Anyone who thinks lone parents choose to be in this position or have it easy, have no idea.
I do the best I can
It never feels enough, I wish I had done better at school, I wish I did not have so much self doubt.
I worry about the future, I worry constantly about my children, I worry about finances all the time.
I doubt my parenting skills, I doubt my choices at times.
I loathe the battle I have with mental health, I try not to ever burden my children.
I loathe so much, I am sad many times, I am a lone parent who struggles to do it all solo, I have no other choice.
My world has to revolve around my children, their needs, their growing up in this crazy scary world of ours.
In a Perfect World
I would happily share the care of the children, I would love someone else to share the weight of decisions and bringing the up children.
It is not all about the financial side, but the emotional well being of the children, that I try my hardest with.
In a perfect world, I would have someone to share it all with, have some me time, some money to spare to save.
If I had my wishes granted, I would be able to take my children travelling, I would be able to show them so much more than I do.
In a perfect world I would not be battling to climb this ever so steep hill of life.
Ending on a positive note
I am lucky to have my children, I will do everything I can to always strive to improve our lives.
I will do my best to protect them, to show them the beauty in the world as it really is.
I love my children so very much and I know that they love me too.
We may not always see eye to eye, but we have each other and for that we are blessed.
Solo parenting might be hard, it might be lonely, but I am doing it, I have to thank no one else.
I will always be the best I can be, even if that is sometimes being a totally shit Mother, I am trying.
A friend posted a favourite song of hers and it was just so apt for this, so if you fancy listening to some music whilst reading, try Freddie Mercury – Living on my own.